So keep the memory of this boundless mercy of God in your heart as a pledge and the beginning of a new perception of life. You must repent for your entire life, especially for turning to the dark forces. When you yourself bring the enemy of the human race into your life, it can be extremely difficult to free yourself from him. After confession, receive Unction and receive Holy Communion no less than every two weeks. After Unction and the fourty-day reading of the penitential canon, go back to the doctor and do everything he or she recommends. Physical illness is a consequence of spiritual one. We heal the soul with the Sacraments, but the body, by God's decree, must be given over to the doctors. May God give you wisdom and strengthen you to embark on the path of repentance.
You can read many prayers and akathists, but it is impossible to wrest the desired forgiveness from God. Forgiveness will come to you when the period of God-given penance ends. For now, there is weeping, groaning, and grief. And under all this, you must humbly bow your head with the thought that I accept my deeds worthily. Continue to pray, but not hysterically, but with complete surrender of yourself and your son to the will of God. There is no unrighteousness with God, just as His mercy is boundless. It is necessary to save you, and you must be saved. But how? Only the Lord knows. Ask God for humility and patience in bearing your penance. The Lord Himself will give the rest. May the Lord give you wisdom and strengthen you on the path of repentance. Letters of Archimandrite John Krestiankin |